new Maria disclosures from my childhood based on her questions
Anyway. Let's go back yes. Significant childhood or adolescent event hat shapped my current beliefs and worldview? Well, I grew up with memories of the Vietnam War. That means I had to ask my mother what it meant "gorillas" because I thought they meant real gorillas were fighing in war, like Planet of the Apes. I remember the nightly body counts, how many dead, how many wounded. So war seemed normalised first of all. Also, I remember Nixon and the Watergate hearings and not really understanding what it all meant because on the one hand, there were historic visits to China and Russia on the other hand complete failure and withdraw in Vietnam, humiliation, plus the crooked and corrupt Watergate thing, and then Gerald Ford, former U of Michigan football player, falling, tripping, assassination attempt by squeaky Fromme. There was also Reagan of course, looming larger than life. Jimmy Carter was like a hiccup, a national joke yet such a great human being so you saw the absence of value in goodness of the American soul despite all its preachy bullshit about being good before god and all that rubbish....Also looming large was Soviet Union, the great evil and how my mother told me the difference between us and them, America and Soviet Union, was that if she wanted to or I wanted to go into the streets and say I hate the president, I could do that but in the Soviet Union, I would be arrested and put in jail. I also remember assassination attempt of Reagan when I was in High School, after running track. He was a likeable but hateable guy. I think when I was with Claudia I liked him but after we broke up I hated him, his ugly politics became more obvious second term. I'm not sure how Vietnam formed me later or my opinions other than to witness how American abandoned its allies ( remember seeing all those people at the airlift airport hanging on to airplane wheels sure to die just to get out of Vietnam and America left them behindd after destroying their country for years, slaughtering their people...the Soviet Union loomed large as the enemy (and no difference with Putin's Russia.) I remember the movement Solidarity in Poland and putting candles in windows with them. I wasn't very political but when I dreamt of running in Olympics, my dreams would ahve been tarnished by boycott of Russian olympics (not sure what year and then same in LA Olympics...)My current world view is still to be against fascists mostly but my support of Israel over Palestine has no reeal basis on my childhood.
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What is your personal philosophy of life and what events or experiences have influenced its development?
I think being raised American means believing that you can find a solution. However, this only came to me later on. Early on I didn't worry about solutions; Maybe the first solution I thought of was to smash a bottle across my knee so that I could go home bleeding and take attention away from a bad report card. Most people would conssieder me a negative person. Not cheery, rah rah guy. I am mostly quiet and brooding. I feel positive inside me about myself because I know myself and my capabilities. But about other people, I see the negative in them like their inability to think of others other than themselves, their inability to distinguish private and public space, their love of killing, their inhumanity. All of these I must try to ignore and carry on with my own living because decades ago it was paralysing to me, an excuse not to try because the world and the people in it were so horrible; Now I just ignore it as much as possible and do what I can for myself, in writing as a great escapism
Standards? Like working hard, staying in form, keeping foot on gas?
Hard work is a value. Where I work at work people skate and avoid work for social life as much as they can get away with. They love to socialise because they don't want to think they are working. Me, I know I am working, I am getting paid to work, living thanks to working so when I am in work space, I work. I do not want to socialsie with people I consider generally stupid or mediocre because they might contaminate me. That's how much I think about hard work as a value. Nothing comes without hard work and suffering. Nothiing of value anyway. It is a fundamnetal believe. If you do not believe in hard work, you are not really human. You are some flimsy excuse for a human, either born rich or born poor and staying that way. Some people want to turn their hard work into money. I do not. I want to produce results in writing. I also try and keep things right, go to gym, write, read, keep mind focused and sharp.
Right and wrong? Right to kill people if they provoke you by harassing you. Growing up I just wanted to be left alone so I thought if people provoke me, anger me, they deserve the full extent of my wrath from a cruel insult to throwing them through the plate glass window of a bar. I didnt kill anyone but I surely wanted to kill many. I don't think I would have any moral issues with killing another human being who angered me. I don't value human life very much. I see much of it or most of it wasted by stupid, incurious people who just take up space on earth in order to be consumers so billionnaires can make even more money. Those people are not human despite having human sentiments. Their lives are empty and have no value. When non humans have children the children are usually also non human because they are taught the same loser values like fear of education, turning public space into private space, taking up space to do nothing but consume, they have nothing of interest to offer the world and this is unfortunately, a great percentage of human beings. Then there are the parastical human beings too, most of the rich. The only real humans are hard working humans who want to create something during their existence. So there you have the right way and the wrong way. Stealing from the poor, like the rich do, is wrong. Stealing from the rich is not only ok but should be encoiuraged. Greed should be punished, not rewarded until humanity learns to be less greedy and selfish. Peace is not realistic. You must kill people to teach the others lesson on how to behalf? Love solves nothing, only lets the animals take control. Perfect example, bleeding heart liberals letting republicans destroy america because they are not hard enough or hateful enough to win.
I agree that kindness and compassion is necessary for justice. Not all guilty are guilty. Some guiilty are far more guilty on a far more horrible scale than others and justice should swing heavy against them, destroy them forever and their families who learn from them. Poor people should be shown more compassion, rich people should be punished for greed and selfishness. I think human beings are inherently greedy and selfish but if you start by making examples of the rich, ideally, a revolution killing the rich, throwing them from the windows of the penthouses for example, then you can start there and work your way down to punishing acts of selfishness and a greed until the harshness of justice eventually teaches people how to act like good human beings instead of selfish greedy pigs
I cannot imagine a world more harsh, more destructive, more hateful and chaotic than the one we live in now. You will be hard pressed to make it worse. Chances are higher that violent revolution would make things better because things cannot be much worse. Enforced poverty, intentional dumbing down of populations so that they are more easily controlled as consumers, totalitarian leaders taking control of major countries, inflicting horrors and suffering on millions maybe billions of people.
Change is not possible through non violent activism. there is no education capable of changing humantiies horrifying priority of self over others. There are no more conversations because people now exist thanks to abuse of technology and dumbing down in general of population, in echo chambers of intolerance so shouting down and drowning out opposing opinion is the new form of conversation. Optimists believeing they can change the world through non violence are doomed to the same failure of ther generations of previous failures. Humanity does not reward the weak
how is the world increasingly more democratic and inclusive? it is an illusion? you have two parties to choose from in almost all countries, right and left, hateful or loving. no more middle parties. just slight variations of the same themes.; All politics are used to benefit corporations and rich. people have no "real" vocie in change, they are just told that they do, fed crumbs so that they beleive they are making change. in reality the only thing that is changing is that the inequality between rich and poor the disparity between those having enough for ten tihousand peiople and giving none of it to anyone but themselves, verssus the people who do not even have enough for one, is getting worse, not better. Technological progress makes things better in prockets, like africa for example while in the west for example or china or anywhere developed, technology is used to control people, breain wash them lie to them, create false realities to benefit the rich and despotic, turn people into consumerist zombies. the world is not overall better for humanity. peoiple are dumber and more violent than ever befeore. quality of life is degraded almost everywhere except fo rthe extreme poverty having enough money now so they can consume more and put more money into pockets of rich. there is not motivation for rich to give they hate humanity like they hate themselves
I am not frustrated. the game is over. the world is not going to get better, it is spinning out of control and technology is making it worse and making the downfall even faster. this does not frustrate me, I don't care. I live my own life. I cannot help those who cannot help themselves we don't need to tune into reality because it is too horrible to comprehend. if you want to beleive your fantasy world of how things are ge'tting better, go ahead but I do not accept your views and think they are naive and foolish
I agree there is much beauty but I do not believe there is hope. We are doomed and the sooner you realise the game is over, evil has triumphed permanently and always was going to triumph permanently, the sooner you can relax and stop fighting your pointless battle. Tell me in humanity the positive moments. If we look at history, we see the biggest moments are always desruction, chaos and murder, sllaughter
great, we prolong human life and save more people from death on a planet already overcrowded to the point that we are creating our own self destruction. how is that a positive thing? women's rights, civil right and gay rights are a sham. these are short lived victories and the only hope for humanity is for non white population to so outnumber white population that change can happen. the white people will still hold majority of wealth but their power will be severely curtailed. on the other hand, all movements against that by old white people who are afraidd of the inevitalbe planetary change of population and demogfraphcis, will fight against keep fighting against all progress and because unlike in hollywood, in real life, evil triumphs over good, this is inevitalbe? United Nations is a sham Look how America used it to shove their war on Iraq through and try oto give their greed legitimacy. their racism and hatred legitmacy. the idea of UN was good but now it is useless and a joke. Paris Agreement on Cliamte change is meaningless window dressing that cannot reverse the tsunami of climatic chaos to come
What are your strengths and weaknesses as a writer and how do they influence your creative process?
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