1000 DAYS

 not weird, just I dunno..she was unhappy all the time, even when she got all that she wanted.  she could never just sit and enjoy what she had.  she always wanted more love but she wasn't very loveable, kept her distance....at first I tried to love her.  I tried to understand her.  But she was always trying to be cool, distant.  Then she would get a little tipsy at night and want to hang all over me which you know, was the last thing I wanted to do.   her mother died when she was young and she grew up in a house with a distant brother and a nasty drunken father.  so she wasn't happy.  she loved some other guy when I met her, or used to.  But he left her for a chinese girl.  her and I got married in city hall, after knowing each other like a week or so.  but she had a lot of issues.  look, I had a lot of issues too.  I was miserable and also a drunk but we made it from nyc to england togther somehow.* yeah, I mar...

 Well Paris is nearly the centre of my existence.  Not only was it the first European capital but it is where I live now.  Iti s where I spent many many nights drunk.  It is where I have sang, read, oozed.  I met Kattia here.  I have lived with Kattia here together for more than 10 years.  I met Iulia here, the woman I went to dinner with the other night, she who actually reads my book. I met Inga here, the Latvian writer who I spent a summer with a few years ago and who I am visiting in less than a week in Riga.  I have spent many white nights here, have had infinite orgasms, countless museus and exihbitions.  I have probably walked at least 10 000 km here.  Is that humanly possible?  I have had picnics on the Seine.  I have imagined lives from the 70s.  I have imagined the history leaking out of every street and building here, thought about the people who were born and who died here who I will never know or know of....

What was the most significant childhood or adolescent event that shaped your current beliefs and worldview?   Anyway.  Let's go back yes.  Significant childhood or adolescent event hat shapped my current beliefs and worldview?  Well, I grew up with memories of the Vietnam War.  That means I had to ask my mother what it meant "gorillas" because I thought they meant real gorillas were fighing in war, like Planet of the Apes.  I remember the nightly body counts, how many dead, how many wounded.  So war seemed normalised first of all.  Also, I remember Nixon and the Watergate hearings and not really understanding what it all meant because on the one hand, there were historic visits to China and Russia on the other hand complete failure and withdraw in Vietnam, humiliation, plus the crooked and corrupt Watergate thing, and then Gerald Ford, former U of Michigan football player, falling, tripping, assassination attempt by squeaky Fromme.  Ther...

 Our personalities don"t always related   the first time oh let me tell you, on her side of the argument was the fact that i drank alot which I did and while we were friends that was ok, once we were dating she called it a problem.  anyway, there was also this idea that in the beginning we did nothing but have sex.  I was living in UK and came to Paris maybe once a month and we would only leave her flat for food or champagne and stayed in her flat fucking and sleeping all the rest of the time.  that went on for many months and then, oncee I was there and there was mention of engagement and she ended up with a ring, not for marriage just for the ring itself it seems in hindsight, a ring that she chose twice as expensive as the one I chose and then we didn't have sex any more and she said I was traumatitising her with my needs for it all the time like oh, you have the ring now so the fun and games are over anyway, we fought all the timoe cats and dogs and the...

 Acclaim is the trigger word Maria suggests. but that wasn't true at all.  Well, at some points, yes, I was writing dirty stories for classmates and a teacher grabbed it during class (it being one of the stories that was getting passed around) and it was utmost filth pornographic you might even say, and to be honest, did I get in trouble?  Maybe.  Maybe the teacher was so overcome with digust, I dunno.  This was junior high though, I didn't care about anything.  Once I was in a music appreciation class and we were asked to design a musical instrument and at the last minute I put a coin into a little milk carton and shook it.  No effort prize.  But it was the same class I believe where the teacher thought he was being smart by grabbing the story and he ended up being shocked instead.  Served him right.  And someone asked me why did I always write the perfect person in the story and that was because probably my obsession as a teen was bein...

Ok well in the years of 7th and 8th grade, yes, the transition happened from city punk to suburban lost boy...what sticks out was an event of a sort of how to say this, group attack on a female in a school swimming pool. Very serious business. Very serious business. I had cut classes and left school when each person involved was summoned which was very poor timing because of course, with you mysteriously missing, all the others simply blamed me. What caused the attack, what provoked it what anything, beyond my comprehension and I should have gotten therapy of some kind after that to deal with it. Christ that was many decades ago can you imagine what would have happened nowadays? I'd have been imprisoned. Not proud of it does not speak to the horror of what happened. The fact that I cannot remember it is bad enough but the second fact that I was not there to defend myself until it was too late (I think it had been on a Friday and I left for Toronto for the weekend with my fa...